For the past couple of years, I think my "personal theology" has been taking a slow but steady shift.
So get a grip and hang on. I don't usually blog this deep; some of this is me talking it out, some of this has already been talked out and it's just me getting it out of my head.
For the past 14 years - this year would've been year 15, if my calculations are correct - I've taken a week of vacation each year to be a counselor at a church camp. For years, it was Camp Galilee in ElDorado Springs, MO, and for the past 4 years it's been Camp Jo-Ota near Clarence, MO. I have the late Rev. Sara Fagan to thank for getting me involved in United Methodist Camping. It's been a great ride, and I will continue to encourage others to participate, either as campers or counselors.
This year, however, after having a year of contemplation, I've decided to not go to camp. This has not been a decision I've made lightly, as camp has been one of the great opportunities during the year to share my faith with others. But over the past four or five years, I've made some realizations.
Mainly, I've realized that camp was becoming more about "me" and the "great things" I can share, rather than it being about the kids and how they might grow closer in their relationship with God. Part of that realization came from how the counselors interacted with the kids. At Galilee, the counselors had the opportunity to lead worship by sharing the message at one of two points during the day. Those were opportunities I enjoyed and appreciated, because it gave me a chance to tell my story. And at Jo-Ota, those opportunities were not present, due to the way the camp was organized. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying the way Jo-Ota did it was "wrong" - it was just "different". And I suppose that has helped me get to the point where I am now - that it's not about "me" delivering "my" message -- it's about God working through me to show God's unconditional love to others. And had I not experienced that unconditional love, I might not have had the log pulled from my eye.
This year, I've decided to take part in a work camp. I've never done a work camp before, so this will be a new experience for me, but one I'm looking foward to, despite only having computer skills. I was going to do one in 2008, but then it fell through and I've not taken an opportunity since then. But it's time. Time for me to get back to the spirit of giving that I first felt when I went to Galilee in 1997. When God first turned my world upside down, and I realized what it meant to experience unconditional love from God. I can still remember hearing some of the music that when I hear it now, still takes me back to "The Slab", and those powerful worship experiences that happened there. The past few years, the church where my membership is has struggled. They've struggled with membership, with leadership, with getting outside of themselves, and they struggled with being open and being invitational - all in my opinion. There are those that would probably disagree with me, and that's their perogative. I've spent a lot of time watching portions of General Conference - the blogs, the tweets, the video clips - and if anything, it was a bit on the depressing side. To see legistlation defeated that was proposed to say "we agree to disagree" on the subject of the wording of our feelings as a Church about homosexuality - seriously? We can't even agree to disagree? I'm sure there was a lot more behind the scenes, but for what it appeared on the surface, it was discouraging to not see us be able to agree to disagree. But I digress. Back to my decision. Camp is a wonderful event -- but the kids that are there WANT to be there. That's one of the things that I always found so discouraging about teaching mid-high/sr-high Sunday school class, was that not all of the kids wanted to be there - many are brought there by their parents, so they're not wanting to be there, and some have that "yeah, right" attitude. And what teacher really wants to try to teach people with that attitude? So my decision to do the work camp was reached because the people that benefit from the work camp didn't ask for their circumstances. And that's the way I think God's love is -- Scripture shows us time and again that the people that benefit the most from God's Grace are the people who are on the fringes. The least, the last, the lost. And while many feel the future of the United Methodist Church rests on "the young", God's Grace does not focus on an age range. So for me - while God continues to prepare me for something - right now, my time as a camp counselor has drawn to a close. It's time for me to go back to being a student, and trying to learn the lessons that God has laid out for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment